i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
