I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
