When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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