Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
