Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
