We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
