So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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