maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
