I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
