I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
