i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
