she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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