well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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