should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
