her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
