is your mom at the bar?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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