Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
