i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
