I didn't shave. On purpose
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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