Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ttyl tear gas
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
