is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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