I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
