this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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