For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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