Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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