He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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