somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
