This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
