I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You did what with his pubic hair?
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