Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
