Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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