I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm both gender and math confused
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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