Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
