The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
