I murdered the dance floor call the cops
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
