dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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