Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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