Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need to get me chipped asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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