just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
