RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Boobs are out for the taking
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
