just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
