I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
