you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My liver is preforming stress tests.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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