he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize