So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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