Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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