She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
