'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
