Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
