just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
