i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't deserve a penis
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You ruined the universe
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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