shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
