I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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