My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
