A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
