I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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