I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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