The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
