You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
