Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
