sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
