Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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