dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
